The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
