When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
