I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
