Sry I called you an 8
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
