the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
