If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
