Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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