yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
