I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
