I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to have your abortion
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry about my life...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
