I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
