Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
