I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
