Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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