Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
