Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
