they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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