The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
