Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
