there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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