if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
