dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
