I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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