you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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