He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
