found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
