I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
