Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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