im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
