I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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