Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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