i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
