just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
