the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
