I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
