Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
