Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
