You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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