There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
