Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
