It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
