he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
