I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize