margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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