Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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