I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
