i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
