You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
