So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Small penises have feelings too.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
