I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
