So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
