i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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