while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is the high leading the old right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
