I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
