I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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