I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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