we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
