I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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