but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
