My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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