Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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