ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
