my sisters under your porch take her home
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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