And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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