She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
