Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
