Your face is a jimmy john
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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